Friday, July 07, 2006

Humor: Hollywood Vocabulary

Hollywood Dictionary

To "schmooze" = befriend scum
To "pitch" = grovel shamelessly
To "brainstorm" = feign preparedness
To "research" = procrastinate indefinitely
To "network" = spread misinformation
To "collaborate" = argue incessantly
To "freelance" = collect unemployment
Agent = frustrated lawyer
Lawyer = frustrated producer
Producer = frustrated writer
Writer = frustrated director
Director = frustrated actor
Actor = frustrated human
High-concept = low brow
Production values1 = gore
Production values2 = explosions
Entry level = pays nothing
Network-approved = has made them money
Highly qualified = knows the producer
Net = something that apparently doesn't exist
Gross = Michael Eisner's salary
Back End = you, if you think you'll ever see any
Residuals = braces for the kids
Deferral = don't hold your breath
Points = see "Net " or "Back End"
You can trust me = You must be new
It needs some polishing! = Change everything
It shows promise = It stinks rotten
It needs some fine tuning = Change everything
She got great press = She'll never live down the embarrassment
I'd like some input = I want total control
It needs some honing = Change everything
Call me back next week = Stay out of my life
It needs some tightening = Change everything
Try and punch it up = I have no idea what I want
It needs some streamlining = Change everything
It's all up on the screen = You'll never find the money I embezzled
You'll never work in this town again = I have no power whatsoever


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this posted by David August at 11:44 AM 

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